You cannot beat yourself up about trusting your spouse with the finances during your entire marriage. Read further to understand how to get past the feeling and move forward.
Why was the male in the relationship always in charge? Why did the women always trust the men to take care of the finances and then not know what to do when the divorce papers arrived? Why could the women never sit at the table with the male financial professional and not feel intimidated? These are all great questions, but you can no longer feel wrong about them once you are in the divorce process. You can only take control and try to do things differently from here on out.
Stuffy wealth advisors use their financial knowledge to make you feel inadequate. This leads to you not asking questions and nodding your head. It eventually leads you to not attend the meetings and let your husband handle it completely. Were you wrong to hand over the financial responsibilities? Absolutely not. While you were dutifully raising the children to be elite members of society, your husband failed to mention the debts, assets, future financial goals, etc. You assumed that he was handling it and everything you were doing was just fine. You had the mansion, vacation homes, jet, cars, staff, lifestyle. You never asked questions because there was no need. You trusted him completely.
Unfortunately, if you are thinking of divorce or in the middle of a divorce, you have to start thinking about the finances. And you have to stop nodding your head to questions and hoping for the divorce pain to be over without getting what you deserve. You will never recover as he will. He will try his hardest to not support you financially post-divorce. You have to hire the right team to help you ask the right questions with your divorce attorney. You will thank me someday when you realize that the intimidation was a phase you had to get through to maintain your lifestyle.
It always seems that we think the male in the relationship will do better with our finances. Why did they ask us to trust them so much? If you have any of the following issues, know you are not alone in this process. Reach out.
Scared why the ex is saying you may not get to keep the house.
You did not know about the household debt.
Having to deal with health insurance for the first time.
You were not aware that the attorney would ask you to get a job.
You are overestimating alimony and child support.
Written by Olivia Summerhill, CFP®, CDFA® of Summerhill Wealth Management. She is a Divorce Financial Planner helping high net worth women maintain their lifestyle and build wealth during and post divorce.
Schedule a conversation with her and see what she can do for you by clicking here.