The Team That Surrounds You During Your Divorce

So there’s a lot of things that go through my mind daily. I have a lot of time to think while I run, and one of the thoughts that just went through my head while finishing a run is how it seems like every professional in your life is telling you to do (or not to do) something; but when do you take the advice, and when do you not?

Here’s an example: I just finished a long run, and my nutritionist says OK, Olivia, you need to eat immediately after working out. Within 15 minutes, you need to have some kind of protein. So I eat a bit of protein and a few carbohydrates. OK, fine. That is solid advice to eat after working out. My therapist tells me to practice being in the moment and mindful of my emotions, especially after an energetic workout. OK, I will try to breathe and cool down and be mindful post-workout. Then I hear from my triathlon coach that you will always need to stretch right after working out for at least 10-15 minutes to prevent injuries. My naturopathic doctor says I should work out but not push my body too hard at the end of the workout. And at the same time, my dermatologist says that all of the sweating you have done while working out with masks creates bacteria, and you need to wash your face immediately with a cleanser after you run. She says that a quick cleanse will do the trick to make sure your skin stays clear.

I’m trying to wrap my head about how I hear from different professionals in my life every day, and they all have good intentions, but they don’t work together. I have no clue how it works when you have them actually functioning in harmony and working to help me get to the best place for me. Currently, it is frustrating, since I have to wonder how am I to do all the things they asked me all at the same time?

That’s where divorce comes into the conversation. Usually, my work with women works best as a collaborative team with other divorce professionals. Whether that includes divorce mediators, parenting coaches, realtors, therapists, and attorneys, working as a team and being allowed to communicate effectively means we all can help our client through a divorce the easiest way possible. My goal with a client is to not have her getting 5 different directions from 5 other professionals.

It is overwhelming, and if I get overwhelmed after getting too many different pieces of advice simply after going for a run, I can envision someone going through divorce getting advice in different directions feeling way worse and far more stressed.

That’s why it’s essential to have a team that all works together. It is in your best interest to have your divorce team communicate with one another to ensure that you are being taken care of the way you need during and post-divorce. This will make sure you are successful and you don’t have a mishap. Take, for example, my misfortune of going into a shower after a workout, not knowing which to-do is best for me at that specific moment. Which piece of advice did I get that is the best for me? Stretch, eat, act and think mindfully, cool down or shower and wash my face? Do I ignore one or all of the professionals when it is not clear? That is how people are going through a divorce feel.

And so this is all being shared with you to let you know that I get it. Really. I do. I know

what it is like when one team member doesn’t communicate. That is why it’s imperative during the divorce process to have a team that is willing to talk with one another and make sure you’re making the best decisions for you. As a friend recently told me, there are points in our life where we really need to have a team around us and help us through what we’re doing, where we’re going, help us manage how we’re feeling, and process with us what are the next best steps for us in our life.

After my workout right now, I feel like I have learned to wrangle my professionals together. I really value having a triathlon coach, and it is worth having the coaches, nutritionists, and doctors in a team standing behind me. Sometimes the divorce professionals around you are precisely what you need at that moment. The value of a team at specific points in

our life when we need it most is invaluable. But the ones helping to advocate for us and lead the charge in helping us be better at communicating together create a space that allows us to avoid being overwhelmed during the divorce process.

It is possible to trust yourself to make the best decisions because you have that team behind you.

Written by Olivia Summerhill